Tech-intolerant Gifts

"You need to disconnect for awhile and unwind."

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"Hey! Get back here!"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Tarzan no want computer."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Pensioners and Phones

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"Grandpa, you remind me a lot of myself in my pre-tech years."

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

Man in cell phone shop - 'Do you have a phone that just phones?'

'Letters, letters, letters - why can't you learn to text?'

"Technology moving too fast."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

Obscenity-recognition software. It's for people who hate computers, but have to use them.