Tease Meister Gifts

'As a baby you were so ugly Mum didn't push your pram. She pulled it.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

'This potion will get you promoted but I can't guarantee a bonus.'

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Very funny."

"Oh my, you're a dirty little weasel, aren't you darling?!"

Hit Me

Banana striptease...

A Dummy Corporation.

Your brother's just teasing you, dear - I'm sure he didn't lick every one of them.

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy myself a new car, a new house for Dad and new clothes for Tia Carmen!"

'Dad... He's still making faces at me!'

'Hey Goldie, the house is on fire!' 'Wow, I just found out the world is round!' 'I hear they're gonna make gloves out of you.'

'My client was goaded into committing the crime, Your Honor -- he pleads not guilty by reason of teasin'.'

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

"I'm wearing new cologne. I hope Smiley is able to control herself around me today."

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

Do you think Ryan Beardsley would like me more if I highlighted my hair? Maybe -

I've got the latest geezer-jargon translator app.

Singing

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"

"Once again, the answer is no."

"Gracie, no matter how smart-pants you are...I still love you."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: 'This is why I hate talking to Geeky science boys!!'

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

"I assure you that you don't have Alzheimer's because you paid my fee last week."

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.

'It's a shame really, he used to have his leg pulled a lot when he was a boy.'