Teaching Fellow Gifts

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Safe spaces?

End of Affirmative Action

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

"Hello sir? I believe your name is Grant. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself?"

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

"They've decided to resolve the department's conflicting educational philosophies."

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"