Teachers' Day Gifts

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'My class can't wait to start multiplication. I made them sign a pledge never to use it for evil purposes.'

"Unruly, talking back, lack of respect...and that's just the parents."

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Call me Euclid.'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

Drawing Leaves

'I know last week's class was brutal, but I have all new material today.'

Teacher Tips

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

'Math would be more fun if we weren't always studying pyramids.'

'I think it needs more punctuation.'

'I wish I could hold my third period class in a steel cage.'

"Sit still why I explain why exercise is important."

Teacher: 'Being a math teacher, I can't ask my students to give 110%.'

"Yes Billy, you have a question..."

A Puppet Named Juan

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'C'mon get it straight.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."