Teacher's Day Gifts

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'My objective is to have each student become more insightful, compassionate, introspective and empathetic. In your case I will settle for quiet.'

'My teacher says I'm an underachiever, but I think she's an overexpecter.'

'My fortune says 'You will be successful in getting students to control their behavior, if you first control your own behavior.'

Smirking or Non-smirking

'No response, We'll have to use the corporate logo flashcards again,'

"Hmm...I think we can include the drug awareness program, the anti-bullying initiative, sex-ed instruction and values awareness, but we're going to have to cut math, reading and science."

'You're the best teacher I've ever had. You opened my eyes to the world and showed me how to think critically...I was happy until I met you.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Well, technically, the Ural Mountains are located on the Earth, but I wanted you to be a bit more specific.'

'This is how we learned things before Wikipedia.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

'I'm not filibustering. I'm teaching.'

Teacher's Wing-Mirror

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Teacher gets killed by paper aeroplane.

"I trick teachers into thinking I'm paying attention by tilting my head to the side, like this, when they talk."

'Thomas Edison was awesome...If it weren't for him, we'd all be watching tv by candlelight.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Grading Guidelines.

'Sorry about the wreaths and flowers. It's the spot where the previous teacher was finally over-powered by primary seven.'

"OK, who can tell me why it's important to know stuff."

Pi Ala Mode.

"Chris! You've just re-written the same paper you handed in yesterday!" "Well, you said to do it over again."

'I don't suppose any of you wee bams know how spell, 'mutual respect.''

'I will not throw spears in class.'

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Maria Montessori

"I didn't bring an apple, so how about a fruit roll up?"

Teacher to students: 'An apple is nice, but if you want a for sure 'A', bring me chocolate.'

C'mon, Phil, it's not like we're trying to hit a baseball.