Tea And Talk Fan Gifts

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"Well, of course we married industrialists. All three of us were young and beautiful, and smokestack America looked like it would last forever."

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

'Hey Joe!...Me? Oh,nothing much,just out walking the fish.And you?...'

'But you distinctly said working breakfast.'

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"You're down 10 - zip after the friggin' first half. Ask yourself � what is it going to take to turn this shit around?"

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

" ...And now, for today's TED Talks ..."

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

When motivational speakers are TOO effective.

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'Are you accusing my dog of identity theft?'

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

"Darell is sharing his pet with us today. I'm sure the whole class will find this very entertaining."

'Do you think I'm conceited?' 'No,why?' 'Girls that are pretty and intelligent sometimes are conceited.'

'We should talk more.'

The Fairness Doctrine.

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

YOL9.

'When do you think we'll be old enough for adult diapers?'

Jed Clampett delivers his Jed Talk

"Your problem is, when you have a window of opportunity, you usually jump out of the window."

Woman and dog with mobiles