Tea Time Fan Gifts

'So you've been on the organ waiting list for sixth months. Big deal - I waited three hours just for a tee time this morning.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

At the market

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

Running Latte

"You order the raspberry danish?"

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

Mad Hatter's tea party.

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

Friday 5.30pm.

I e-bay t-shirt.

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

'Can you read this one for me? I have a book report on it tomorrow.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Easter Bonnet

"That's not fair. I do not only visit you once a year on National Asparagus Day."

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

For the Love of Peanut Butter

'I'll take the S. O. S. breakfast special...hold the shingle.'

"We moved here for the schools."

Hey, I could get used to this couch potato thing.

My dad's teaching me how to mow the lawn, fish and use the grill, I'm teaching how to Google, text and use an ipod.

To the best gran in the world.

'Joe makes all our own funiture!'

"You get paid family leave, ten vacation days, health insurance, and there's a bar right next door."

Proctologist drinking beer labeled "Butt Wiser"

Blues Nite Pub

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

'Wednesday wave.'