Taxation Comedian Pillows

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

Rhinestone Accountant

P.O. Boxes. It's from the IRS --- It seems they've declared my savings account to be in the public domain.

'The businessman's lunch is just like the regular lunch, sir, except that it's more heavily taxed.'

"Our property taxes went up agian."