Taxation Humorists Pillows

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

Tax relief

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

tax

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

"You were observed laughing on the way to the bank. Well, we'll take care of that."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."