Target Maestro T-Shirts

'You're never going to make it as a cop if you don't put your past as a knife-thrower behind you.'

Musical Archer

Bullseye!

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

Kirsten Johnson

"My best friend is my phone."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

'I play heavy metal.'

'Not cars. here we're testing oblivious texters walking into walls.'

'What do you mean, you're not hungry? - Your mother spent two minutes cooking that in the microwave just for you!'

Dad's Diner - 'The best in frozen foods'.

"It's so boring out there."

'Thanks for the coaching, the tears did the trick: My parents bought me a mobile phone!'

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

Young Robin Hood at Scout Camp

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"I was going to make a seven course gourmet dinner, but the microwave is broken."

"My husband works from home."

Hairdressing for Bald People