Target Maestro Gifts

'You're never going to make it as a cop if you don't put your past as a knife-thrower behind you.'

Musical Archer

Bullseye!

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

Kirsten Johnson

'If I can't do it by iPhone, I don't do it.'

"My best friend is my phone."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Sir Patrick Moore.

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

Lawrence of Suburbia

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

I was a day late and a dollar short, but it was a personal best!

When Cows Discovered Mowers

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

'I play heavy metal.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

'Not cars. here we're testing oblivious texters walking into walls.'

'What do you mean, you're not hungry? - Your mother spent two minutes cooking that in the microwave just for you!'

'Thanks for the coaching, the tears did the trick: My parents bought me a mobile phone!'

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

Dad's Diner - 'The best in frozen foods'.

Young Robin Hood at Scout Camp

"It's so boring out there."

For a $50 payoff, Dwayne would agree not to follow a foursome around all 18 holes.

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"I was going to make a seven course gourmet dinner, but the microwave is broken."