Tar Pit Philosopher Gifts

"Ok, so you weren't invited to the tar put party. . . it's not the end of the world, you know!"

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

How the bones got into the Le Brea Tar Pits

Jurassic Country Club.

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

'Look, fire is fire - Why try to develop theories about it?'

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

You Don't Know What It's Like

"Think about it: State-of-the-art tar preservation! And then, when we eventually find a cure for this extinction thing, there YOU are! On the ground floor!"

'I'd give anything to be able to sit down.'

'A wise hermit? ME?? Ribbish!! I sprained my darn ankle by climbing up here and now I can't get down anymore!'

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

'So there's a fly in your beer — why begrudge a fellow creature a little happiness?'

You B*****D

'Ever since this 'evolution' thing started, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.'

"Finally - a faith-based initiative I can embrace."

'Is capital punishment the same as wealth tax?'

Yet anoher prehistoric mammal is covered up by the La Brea Tarp - never to be seen again.

'I just hiked over a mile with that bear while debating the use of nuclear energy. I told you these animals are used to people.'

"What about you? Would you rather leave a stump or be mulched and scattered?"

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"Being deciduous isn't a choice - it's what I am."

'Forty-eight felony counts have taught me not to try to do everything myself.'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

"It's okay...It just thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"

"Now, nobody fall while I'm gone because I won't hear it."