Tales Without Twang Gifts

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Knights of the bedside table.

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

"He was going to buy. Why'd you tell him it was made with real gingerbread?"

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"You're the lapdog. Tell us what they're saying."

"I just barely managed to escape from a tribe of mad cannibals!"

Alice Through the Looking Glass - The Black Kitten.

Three wise men on a medal podium.

Tongue Tied.

'He wouldn't need to walk for exercise, if he had a tail to wag.'

'That the biggest fish ever caught here, what bait did you use?'

'Now listen: The best time to lick the kids' faces is right after lunch...'

“God, no! It’s ripping me apart!!” “The very very hungry caterpillar”

'...and the axe murderer lived happy ever after...'

SLEEP Mode

Let's talk about my dog.

'You know I've always told you you were the last of the Mohicans? Well, there was this sqaw...'

What if a nativity scene camp to life in the 21st Century?

Eden's Cleaners

'We're looking for the girl who kicked the prince at the ball last night.'