Tacky Dinner Aficionado Gifts

'Don't forget toothpicks for our candlelight supper tonight. . . get the cellophane tip ones; preferably gold to match the gold plastic service and mugs.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"....and hold the garlic."

Kentucky Fried Horse

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

Baracracy

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

"Ah — excellent catsup."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.