Tableware Enthusiast Pillows

"I thought we'd decided on the gold leaf pattern."

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

I know steak knives look cool, son, but the world needs butter knives, too.

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

"I can't party like I used to, I've got enough Tupperware"

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"Oh, honey! The "Chef's Table!?!" I'm impressed!"

Drinking Hats

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

A spoon you can run away with, but a spork is the kind of practical utensil you marry.

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

"How can I tell him we're only EPNS?"

Wedding Place-Setting Guide

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

"Waiter, I need a soup knife please."

'Erik hosts excellent dinner parties.'

'It's always a little dicey using tectonic plates.'

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'

Bully in the China Shop

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

Long table, long baby table.

"Congrats! It's a spork."

'You ate the centerpiece, clodpate.'

"What is it with saucepans and your son Ned, Mrs Kelly?"

Life style guru

Place Settings for the Elderly

How a Bottle Ages. . .

'I Love this gingham plaid paper service! They're so pretty, I'd hate to put food on them!'

'He knows how to treat a lady.'

"I had a feeling you'd appreciate the PTFE and PFOA-free non-stick, ceramic coating."

"We're raising the children as forks."