Tableware Enthusiast Gifts

"I thought we'd decided on the gold leaf pattern."

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

"I can't party like I used to, I've got enough Tupperware"

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"Oh, honey! The "Chef's Table!?!" I'm impressed!"

Drinking Hats

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

Wedding Place-Setting Guide

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

"How can I tell him we're only EPNS?"

"Waiter, I need a soup knife please."

'Erik hosts excellent dinner parties.'

'It's always a little dicey using tectonic plates.'

Bully in the China Shop

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

Long table, long baby table.

"Congrats! It's a spork."

'You ate the centerpiece, clodpate.'

Life style guru

"What is it with saucepans and your son Ned, Mrs Kelly?"

Place Settings for the Elderly

"We're raising the children as forks."

Gladiators.

"I had a feeling you'd appreciate the PTFE and PFOA-free non-stick, ceramic coating."

'I Love this gingham plaid paper service! They're so pretty, I'd hate to put food on them!'

'He knows how to treat a lady.'

We need tableware as wedding gifts. As a bachelor eating from a box, bag or can, Phil never acquired plates.

Spoons