Sword-wielding Investor Pillows

'Great. Now that I've got a better idea of your tolerance for risk, I have a few investments to recommend.'

Lady of the bath...

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Epic Battles

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

Decapitated coffee.

In/Out

"But I use all of them!"

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

The Stock Market.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Corporate pirate.

Pub Kendo.

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

Sawrd Fighting

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

King Richard I

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Scheduel.