Sword Swallowing Enthusiast Pillows

"Well, Giovanni. . . you probably wouldn't have bad breath if you remembered to remove cutlery and leftovers when you've finished with them."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Epic Battles

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

Pub Kendo.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

Scheduel.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Swords for Making America Great Again

A Knight slides down the stair rail.

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Fencing Lessons

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

Man sharpening giant pencil with his sword