Swing Perfectionist Gifts

"There are some folks waiting to play through."

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Golf - "Perhaps a trifle less follow-through."

'Look, enough about me... let's talk about my golf swing.'

"It's hard to say if your game is improving, but that's definitely the first divot-in-one I've ever seen."

"Relax and enjoy the game! Relax and enjoy the game!..."

"How'd it happen?

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

"Not sure why you want to work on your slice, it looks fine to me."

'Don't worry, we start off very gradually...'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'You know, doctor, there is still a lot we don't know about hooks and slices.'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

x"It wasn't a bad swing, but you're still moving your head."

'Your backswing's too slow!'

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

Golfer hanging from tree branch to play difficult shot.

"Sorry, but until spring I need to improve my play from the rough."

'We need to work on that slice of yours.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

Swinging

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

Surreal ale

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

'I hope you made the prospect say no three times before you gave up.'

Swing