Swimming Sophisticate Gifts

'Come on in. The water's refined.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

A man runs on the water from a shark.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Mozart on a lilo

Lapdogs

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

The synchronized shower event.

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

No petting in the pool!

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

Rip Taylor Tide

A couple of polar bears enjoy their new swimming pool - a refurbished igloo . . .

Ducks following a child.

'Bank A' about to jump into to pool of competition followed by banks B and C

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"

"Well, some of us were synchronized."

Convict Decor

'Four million years and an amphibian crammed ashore and developed into homosapiens so I see no point whatsover to go back!'

Bill Shankland

Motor Channel Crossing.

Thank you for not drowning.

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'What do you mean stop him - he's become the main attraction.'