Swim Stroke Analyst Gifts

Lifeguard stand with a sign saying "Swim Critic"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

US and the EU

Swimming Prankster

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

A man runs on the water from a shark.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"I can remember when water was just wet."

Lapdogs

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

Lawyer, lawyer! Get out of the water!

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

No petting in the pool!

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

Yes, well, when you're grown up and king, your castle can have an indoor heated moat.

A couple of polar bears enjoy their new swimming pool - a refurbished igloo . . .

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

Rip Taylor Tide

"...And your underpants were unusually clean for someone who got hit by a bus."

'When I said shock the pool, I meant with chlorine!'

Bill Shankland

'For heavens sake Gordon, just get in, you're embarrassing us.'

'Swimwear taketh away. Footwear giveth back.'

Motor Channel Crossing.

'Bank A' about to jump into to pool of competition followed by banks B and C

Music charts development.

'Frankly I think he's taking swimming with the dolphins too far.'

"Ignore that sign. It's okay."