Swim Stroke Analyst Gifts

Lifeguard stand with a sign saying "Swim Critic"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

US and the EU

Swimming Prankster

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

A man runs on the water from a shark.

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"I can remember when water was just wet."

Lapdogs

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

"...And your underpants were unusually clean for someone who got hit by a bus."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

A couple of polar bears enjoy their new swimming pool - a refurbished igloo . . .

Rip Taylor Tide

No petting in the pool!

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

'Bank A' about to jump into to pool of competition followed by banks B and C

'For heavens sake Gordon, just get in, you're embarrassing us.'

Motor Channel Crossing.

'Swimwear taketh away. Footwear giveth back.'

Bill Shankland

"Ignore that sign. It's okay."

"God, I hate these stuck up coastal elites!"

'I hope you don't think I invited you swimming just because you have a couple of webbed toes.'

'I always thought he was in great shape. I mean he swam constantly.'