Swim Meet Humorist Gifts

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

Guide fish.

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Another hot flash?

Shark Chum

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

Scene on the English coast.

Fish Farm.

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

The team wondered if he would ever fit in.

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

How Lawyers Evolved.

'Well, I'm glad you two share a sense of humor.'

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

'I'm a Pisces.'

'You see these things, you don't bite them, you suck them out...'

'I wonder why goldfish are gold.' - 'So they don't rust.'

Tentacle attacking diver.

No petting in the pool!

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

'In hindsight, I believe that our oversight was shortsighted. At least that's my insight.'

"You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming..."

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'I said to come in 'full scuba gear', not 'Scooby gear'!'

'Ha! Fake out!'

'Sperm Donor Whale.'

I think the dolphins are my favorite football team! I'll explain football to you. First, don't worry about the word "tackle" -- It has nothing to do with fishing equipment. And "The Big Tuna" isn't like us -- It's a nickname for Coach Bill Parcels. Touchdown! And 80-yard pass play! I'm confused. It made no sense when they said the quarterback was "going deep."

Oddly familiar formation.

A fish wearing scuba gear.

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"