Sweater Protector Gifts

"Please, Melissa, just give him your cashmere!"

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

Christmas sweater alternatives

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Ugly Holiday Sweaters

"Why can't you just wear a doggie sweater?"

'Wow... What did you use for bait?'

"It was a crime of fashion."

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

Academia in Winter

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

"You can tell beaches are closed - there's less trash."

"Arr! This isn't the map to the treasure, it's the map to me winter sweaters."

Keeping Warm

"Raw sewage is so much easier to source these days."

'You're overprotective, Mother.'

The Moth Menace.

High in the Peruvian Andes, the alpaca sweater is born.

'Keep your money - fix the water.'

"What are you complaining about? You've been looking for an excuse to go off your diet."

'Well this is awkward.'

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'

Reindeer Sweater

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a cat. Why do you ask?"

How's the sweater coming along?

"Harold wanted to make sure no one takes his chair while we're on holiday."

"That'll be twenty even—ten for the wine and a ten-dollar tax on the hapless sweater."