Swatter Superstar Gifts

A fly swatter enjoying his newspaper in front of his trophies of flattened flies.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Running

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Cooking

The hostage rescue team

Orchestra

The Waiter

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

The disgruntled employees were brought down with tranquilizer darts, ending the worst pillow fight in recent memory.

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

Sports Agency. In my work as a sports agent, I told this athlete she needs to improve if she wants to be well-known. Ironically, in diving you become famous by not making a splash! I got this marathon competitor a sponsorship so he can focus on training. He's going to take the money and run! This sprinter will earn a bonus if he sets a record. Oh, going after some fast money! And I made this guy agree to give me an extra slice of his pay if I negotiated a great contract for him which I di

"Apparently he's making demands. Anyone know what they are?"

Clancy: Thick Flies

SWAT Police Chase

SWAT The Press

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'Got it!'

"Someday I want to join the swat team."

'Listen Jimmy, as a member of the School Swimming Squad, you're not taking your training seriously enough!'

Time Flies

An Olympian's Moment

"Actually it's in his profile - he used to knock on doors and run away."

'Oh, sorry Dad!'

"They're refusing to throw down their knives until after they finish dinner."

"Wait, I just want to kill this fly."