Swashbuckling Chef Gifts

"I was in a different place then."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

Keith Floyd.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Witch's Brew.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Quartet of chefs.

Stupid Microwave

Cook in the cookery section.

Amy Sedaris

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Tastes great, less killing!"

I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

Artichoking victim

'What the devil is that?

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

101 things to do with lutefisk.

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

Baker

'I roll it ahead of me, and anything it hits goes into my famous Road Kill Stew.'