Fin-tastic Chef Gifts

'I wish John would stop using that gourmet pet food that makes gravy when you add water.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Better Not Squash.

Witch's Brew.

'Distracting the fish.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Executive Tacos

Cooking With Pollock.

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Stand back - while I whip something up

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

Baker

'Cook books! I love to learn new ways to cook things.'

"I was in a different place then."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

Football Pudding

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

Boiling Point

MasterWitch

'When I asked what you're in the mood for, I meant, foodwise!'

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

Lobster potion.

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

Home on the Range.

'My mum's not very hygienic... She cooks carrots and peas in the same pot!'