Fin-tastic Humorist Gifts

'Distracting the fish.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

Honest Vending

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Gustav Holst

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.