Suv Critic Gifts

Sports futility vehicles

"Unclean demon, in the name of the saint I command you to leave the spirit of this man and to take from him his unholy desire to drive an SUV!"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'It seats two comfortably.'

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

'I still say it would be faster if we had a four-wheel drive.'

'Don't let any SUV's pass us.'

Man crawling in desert finds sign reading 'Ignore your satnav'.

"I won't go near one of those driver-less things until they iron out the bugs."

"Honey! I'm taking the new SUV for a ride. I want to see how many blocks it gets per gallon!"

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning an SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Goddam Range Rovers churning up the countryside,'

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

"We breed them for aggressiveness."

'We'd like to take it for a test drive.'

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Engineers have actually found a way to fuel this car with the dignity you lose as you're driving it."

Emerging from Bankruptcy.

Back seat race car drivers.

'It's an IQ test for the driver.'

Family using a mobile stairway to enter their SUV

"I've tried everything, but my gas mileage is terrible."

'Uh oh, they all have 6,000 pound cars now.'

Insensitive driving school - 'That was crap.'

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

Hire car is overtaken and dominated by 4x4 'Higher car'.

The SUV: A T-rex on wheels.

Expensive fuel costs make driving large vehicles costly.

'You're a selfish, egotistical, eco-vandal, oil-sucking son-of-a-bitch!'

"What would it take to get you behind the reins of this family suv?"