Sustainable Food Sorcerer Gifts

"Organic frog, tongue of gluten free dog, wing of sustainable bat..."

Desert Island Meals.

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

The Velvet Mesquite

'It runs on batteries. I'm trying to become more green.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

For every Covid-19 death there are 2.5 deaths resulting from dietary risks.

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

Olive Oil

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

"It's dangerous to eat pangolins, but..."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

All our servers are locally caught from a sustainable source — the actors' academy across the street.

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

"I've been mutated into the strawberry field. Get me out now."

'My only consolation is that by eating us they're killing themselves.'

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

"OK, today, Bob, your team is on blackberry clearing at the Brown's farm, while Lisa, your team is on thistle clearing at the Barker's farm..."

'Real? No. They're all made out of soy and tofu. We wanted to crack the meatless industry up a few notches.'

"I can't see them replacing fish and chips."

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"So I can eat better here at work."

'Are you sure this salmon was farm-raised?'

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."