Surreal Parenthood Gifts

Was it just a dream?

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"She's been so creative lately."

A midwife holding a baby

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Rocking horse

Knight feeding his kids.

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"When did she start crawling?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Ask me about my litter! !