Surreal Humor Admirer Gifts

"We could reshape your nose with conventional surgery, but I'm going to suggest something radical."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Honey are you in the mood to fleece a cow tonight

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

Trump Tariffs

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Prescription Drugs '96.