Surname Scholars Gifts

"We're giving her my name and his name, but we're not going to hyphenate."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

K9 Literati

'An encyclopedia? I don't know. Let's look up what it is on Wikipedia.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Football team discussions.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Romans.

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

Contest to enter the University

Brothers Grimm

'It's just a phase they're going through.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

Sign by school library reads: 'Passing Lane'

Judicial Restraint

Occasionally, when logic and rational inferences based on experience were not enough, Plato and Aristotle would resort to settling their discourse by other means.

'Hunters are abundant, so we're offering grants in gathering.'

"I'll be over at Geoffrey d'Anglouleme's place, settling his hash."

'You don't want your son to learn Latin? Don't worry, he's already decided that for himself!'

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

Eurydice in Elysium

The Wages Of Sin

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

'And, Johnny, one last question, where did they ever come up with a bizarre nickname like 'Johnny Football' for you?'

Disney's trying to buy Fox. If they did that, then all of Marvel's best heroes would be in the MCU. It would be horrible! The whole Marvel cinematic universe is one big story told by dozens of movies. This would, like, triple the amount of movies I'd have to watch! I'd have to watch every X-Men spinoff to make sure I got every reference made in any Thor or Avengers movie, for instance. HOJ. Your definition of "have to" and my definition of "have to" are very different. I'd have to see them all i

'Have you been on Facebook again?'

"There must be dogs in heaven. Haven't you heard of a St. Bernard?"

Trilby - 'The capitalist and the swell'.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 19

'Apparently it was all due to an absentee landlord.'

'You'll never get anywhere in life with a diligent attitude like that!'