Surname Scholars Pillows

"We're giving her my name and his name, but we're not going to hyphenate."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

K9 Literati

'An encyclopedia? I don't know. Let's look up what it is on Wikipedia.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Football team discussions.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Romans.

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

Contest to enter the University

Brothers Grimm

'It's just a phase they're going through.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

Sign by school library reads: 'Passing Lane'

Judicial Restraint

Occasionally, when logic and rational inferences based on experience were not enough, Plato and Aristotle would resort to settling their discourse by other means.

'Hunters are abundant, so we're offering grants in gathering.'

"I'll be over at Geoffrey d'Anglouleme's place, settling his hash."

'You don't want your son to learn Latin? Don't worry, he's already decided that for himself!'

Eurydice in Elysium

The Wages Of Sin

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

'And, Johnny, one last question, where did they ever come up with a bizarre nickname like 'Johnny Football' for you?'

"There must be dogs in heaven. Haven't you heard of a St. Bernard?"

Trilby - 'The capitalist and the swell'.

'Apparently it was all due to an absentee landlord.'

'You'll never get anywhere in life with a diligent attitude like that!'

"This says freshmen college enrollment is reaching record levels!"