Surgical Sleuth T-Shirts

"He fought like hell."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Experts through the ages.

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

The Modern Godot

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

Optician and the PI.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

The Forensic Paleontologist

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

'He followed me home, Dad. Can I keep him?'

Sherlock Holmes.

"How did it go? Read my blog."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

Reporter #3: can.

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'