Surgical Sleuth T-Shirts

"He fought like hell."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Experts through the ages.

The Modern Godot

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Optician and the PI.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

'He followed me home, Dad. Can I keep him?'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

The Forensic Paleontologist

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

"How did it go? Read my blog."

Sherlock Holmes.

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

Reporter #3: can.