Surgical Procedure Sleuth T-Shirts

"How did it go? Read my blog."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Clickbait

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

The Modern Godot

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

Secret Service Dogs

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

What security flaw?

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Two men converse secretively

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'