Surgeon With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"The amputation went well Mr Jones, but we have one slight hiccup."

'So you want two opposable thumbs so you can open your own dogfood?'

"I have a complaint about my bill."

"For goodness sake, lick the thread!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'I had this two years ago.'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Fish swimming around inside drip.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'You wanted a second opinion?'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"