Fun-loving Surgeon Pillows

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"It's cooties."

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'You wanted a second opinion?'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"I have a complaint about my bill."

'It's a routine operation.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'Spin GP'