Surgeon's Day Gifts

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Team Leader

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Keyworker

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Cats holding letters up that spell out 'Hang in there'.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'