Nurse's Day Gifts

'It's a postcard from your doctor. He says he'll be right with you.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"...and how long have you had no feeling in your left foot?"

"Not to worry, ma'am. We're far from exhausting our treatment options."

"Oops, forgot... I also have REALLY high blood pressure."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The patient in 402 appears to be exhibiting anxiety symptoms, Doctor."

'The Grey Nurse Shark' - A Grey Nurse Shark wearing a Nurse's uniform.

'They're stereo!'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

'Sir, visiting hours are for the patients, not the nurses.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Team Leader

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Keyworker

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'