Surgeon's Day Pillows

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Team Leader

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Medical personnel give their hearts

Keyworker

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Cats holding letters up that spell out 'Hang in there'.

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.