Support Service Officer Gifts

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Online form - Submit.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Did you remember my mints?"

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

Not much money, glory, or praise

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Sorry, Pete, but Bill is now my 'go-to' guy. Until further notice, you're my 'anybody-but' guy."

Communication

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

"You can do it!"

Hot Line

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Counsellor for man on desert island

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Yes, I know what's going on in the world. That's still no excuse for my Internet being down all day."

'The problem's too simple - call someone else'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

Dyslexia supprot staff

The manufacturing will be in China with most of the development work taking place in South Korea. Logistics and customer support are based in India."