Serving Officer Gifts

Childhood Medals

Neo-International Law

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Servicemen.

"Postwar is hell."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

The Dubloon Stops Here

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Military Medals

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

UNFADED GLORY