Support Service Officer Pillows

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Online form - Submit.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

Not much money, glory, or praise

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"Sorry, Pete, but Bill is now my 'go-to' guy. Until further notice, you're my 'anybody-but' guy."

Communication

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

"You can do it!"

Hot Line

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

Counsellor for man on desert island

'The problem's too simple - call someone else'

"Yes, I know what's going on in the world. That's still no excuse for my Internet being down all day."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

The manufacturing will be in China with most of the development work taking place in South Korea. Logistics and customer support are based in India."

Dyslexia supprot staff

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'