Supermarket Safari Leader Gifts

Aisle 2: Stuff to help you crap.

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Only One Item or Fewer.

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Biker chopper shopper

Artificial Isle

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

Large Very Fresh Eggs

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

Super express lane for working mothers only!

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.

Wild fruit

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

'I vote we throw caution to the wind.'

'Smooth Mustard' and 'Coarse mustard'

'I'll celebrate Christmas in a supermarket and you?'

"We've got a real feisty one here. We caught it trying to cross the stream behind the store."

"Great idea boss! Keeps kids occupied and hooked up to a generator powers the store's lights!!"

UK supermarket to employ 20,000: 'Don't forget madam, if you spend over ?40 we'll give you a member of staff to take home with you.'

Bobsleigh practice.