Supermarket Managers Gifts

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

But is it organic?

Bad for you but to die for

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"We're odd looking but just as good."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

Price may vary with weather.

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Personal Assistants.

SupermarketAwful Market.

Low Hanging Fruit

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'