Grocery Store Managers Gifts

Frost Bite.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Bad for you but to die for

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"We're odd looking but just as good."

Important Food Groups

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

Price may vary with weather.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

Don't have a hot flush....

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.