Sunshine Satirist Gifts

"I hate it when they dress you with their eyes."

Heat reduction.

A snowman protests the sun.

"So, always remember to bring your fat guy inside when temperatures are above 70 degrees. And, also remember that I am not only the spokesman and advocate, but I am also a fat guy. Thank you."

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

John takes a personivacation.

Bed of Nails on Holiday

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

Valuation of Heaven

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Is this the way to the beach?'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I own 60% of your image rights. Which means you have to pay me ten quid every time you look in the mirror."

'This is totally bananas!'

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Theatrical agent, "Quite honestly Frank I think you've turned into a poor caricature of yourself"

"Let's call it a day before we get frostbite."

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

"I'm not really tan. I've had my head in the oven."

Snowman Liposuction.

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'