Sunday School Gathering Gifts

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Coping with a strong-willed child

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

"Tell me the story about Jonah and the big fish again, Dad."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

Jesus swept.

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Locusts don't sound too bad compared to spinach."

'I see you're still copying from other people's papers, Billy.'