Sunday School Session Gifts

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

A child interrupting family prayers

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

I drive, therefore I am.

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

How's my sermon. . .