Sunday Rituals Gifts

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Friday

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

A child interrupting family prayers

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

How's my sermon. . .

"...and in conclusion..."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Sermon Applause.

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."